


tactile

by irrationalqueer



Series: advent 2020 [13]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: Their audience comments on it all the time, the way they lean into each other and shove and poke each other. The way they’re constantly touching. It’s not a conscious decision, but that doesn’t mean they’re not aware of it.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: advent 2020 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035507
Comments: 22
Kudos: 76





	tactile

It’s something they’re almost painfully aware of - every touch means something, in public; leaves them open to scrutiny. 

It’s just - it’s normal to occupy the same space. Their audience comments on it all the time, the way they lean into each other and shove and poke each other. The way they’re constantly touching. It’s not a conscious decision, but that doesn’t mean they’re not aware of it. Of course Dan has to guide Phil around in crowds with a hand on his elbow or the small of his back. Of course Phil has to lean in close, his chest brushing Dan’s shoulder, to read something on Dan’s phone. They can’t really hold hands or whatever in public, but it’s a gentle reminder that neither of them is alone. They’re in this together and they’re their own little unit apart from everyone else. 

But it’s still as natural as breathing when they’re not in public. They sway into each other’s space easily, and the touches are frequent but mostly brief: a hand on a wrist, a poke to a cheek, a shoulder bump. It’s sort of like gravity, the way they inevitably end up next to each other, shoulders pressed together and legs brushing, elbows and knees shoved in soft places when they’re not careful. They don’t think about it and it happens anyway. 

Sometimes Dan thinks it’s habit at this point, but they were like this even ten years ago at the very beginning, closer than mates always. Like they’d climb right into each other’s skin if they could, save one or the other of them the effort of walking around. It’s a weird thought, but one that he knows is a side effect of spending so much time with an actual alien in a human suit. Phil’s thought patterns were bound to make an impression. 

They’re on the sofa now, laptops banished to the office in an unspoken but very obvious reminder that work is off the table today. They’re in pajamas, it’s midafternoon, and they’re leaning all over each other while they watch a series they’ve been saving for a day like this, a day without responsibilities. Every so often Phil will reach out and tap at Dan’s arm to get his attention, bouncing a little in his seat and pointing at the screen like he thinks Dan has somehow missed whatever just happened. It’s endearing, and it’s a reminder that no matter how easy it is to get sucked into a good piece of media when he’s alone, he’s experiencing it with Phil. 

He’d had Phil’s head in his lap earlier when it looked like a headache might take the sunshine out of their day off, rubbing tiny circles into his temples gently. Phil’s obviously recovered, but he’s still sort of mostly in Dan’s lap; Dan’s theoretically on his own sofa cushion, but he’s sprawled out sideways while Phil stretches out, shoulders pressed against Dan’s chest and one leg hanging off the armrest. There’s no reason for them to be touching right now, they probably look absolutely ridiculous and also like every stereotype of gays who can’t sit properly. 

But no matter what it seems like if one of them moves, the other moves too. Dan could sit up properly, and Phil would fully lay down and end up with his head in Dan’s lap again. Phil could sit up straight and stop stretching his leg out in a way he’s going to complain about later, and Dan would just jam his feet under his thighs for warmth. It’s comfortable, and Dan thinks maybe it’s kind of romantic. Maybe this is what approaching your thirties does to a person, he thinks. Maybe you start thinking the way you lounge with your partner is special and unique or an indication of how well you work together or whatever. He’s not going to say that out loud because Phil’s eyes will get all watery and he’ll make up something about a bee in the flat or something but he’s feeling it anyway.

Maybe the next time they go out they will try holding hands, he muses. Maybe they can start doing this more intentionally. Maybe it’s okay if it means something when other people see it; maybe they can let it mean something to the outside world.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr @ irrationalqueer


End file.
